Why does a chronic illness like diabetes place such a profound strain on the parent-child relationship? Is it the emotional toll on the parent, leading to hyper-vigilance or caregiver fatigue? Is it the child’s pervasive feelings of loneliness, rebellion, or being misunderstood by the person they need most? Or is it simply a series of miscommunications that erodes the foundation of trust and connection?
The truth is, it’s all of the above and more. The reasons are as complex and unique as each family.
Having lived with type 1 diabetes for 40 years, I’ve navigated the immense strain this disease can place on relationships. While my experience is my own, diabetes was always an influential and often negative presence in my life. It was the uninvited guest that dictated plans, moods, and my family’s sense of normalcy. Over the past decade, as I’ve worked with families managing childhood diabetes, I’ve seen these patterns repeat. From the parents of the newly diagnosed to the teenagers striving for independence, a common thread emerges. Family bonds struggle, and diabetes is almost always part of the equation.
The “It’s Going to Be Alright” Problem
I vividly recall a session with a mother and her teenage son. The son, Leo, was expressing his immense frustration. “When I get really down about having diabetes, my mom tries to help,” he said, staring at the floor.
His mother, Sarah, quickly added, “I do! I tell him that it’s going to be alright.”
Her intention was pure love and support. But for Leo, her words landed differently. Was her phrase supportive, or was it a dismissal of his feelings? As we explored this, it became clear. She meant reassurance, but he received it as an invalidation of his current struggle. This simple, repeated exchange had become a constant source of frustration, creating a subtle but significant emotional distance between them.
For a child or teen living with the daily grind of diabetes, the concept of things being “alright” can feel hollow. “Alright” to a parent means safe and stable numbers. To a child, it can feel like a roadblock to being normal. The path to stability can feel profoundly unfair. It’s one thing for a friend to choose to skip a pizza party; it’s another to be forced to because of a stubborn high blood sugar. This is where feelings of resentment and anger can fester, especially when a child compares their restricted life to that of their peers.
Bridging the Empathy Gap
This communication chasm is often where the parent-child relationship begins to falter. With an issue as pervasive as diabetes, clear, empathetic communication isn’t just helpful—it’s critical for the family’s survival. The foundation of this communication must be a mutual acceptance of a fundamental truth. A parent will never truly know what it’s like to feel a low blood sugar in the middle of a big exam. A child will never truly know the sleepless, gut-wrenching fear of watching their loved one’s glucose line dip dangerously low overnight.
Think of it this way: a parent teaching their teenager to drive. The parents’ instinct is to control the situation—to brake, to warn, to set strict rules—all motivated by a fierce love and a deep fear for their child’s safety. The teenager, though, experiences this guidance as a frustrating restriction on their newfound freedom. Both perspectives are valid, but they are fundamentally different. Empathy doesn’t need a similar experience. Just as a parent can’t feel the sting of a site change, they can learn to give meaningful support that honors their child’s feelings and growing need for autonomy.
Diabetes is a complicated illness that makes the already complex job of parenting even harder. Sometimes, simply educating your child on the facts isn’t enough. When you’re stuck in a cycle of arguments and misunderstandings, an unbiased third party can help translate, educate, and guide your family toward healthier patterns. Skills like active listening—where you listen to understand, not just to correct—and genuine empathy can be learned. These skills will prove invaluable as you navigate the challenges ahead.
If your family is struggling to navigate the complexities of life with diabetes, please know that you are not alone and that help is available.
To learn how to improve communication and strengthen your family bond, please reach out to my practice at (917) 272-4829. I specialize in helping families navigate the unique challenges that chronic illness can bring.
Parenting Children with Diabetes 